my ‘coming out’ post. ulcerative colitis.

*yesterday*
sitting here up in the sky, flying away from all the busy and hectic, I have finally found a moment to just focus and really think. think about how I want to officially come out and talk about my important ‘why’ for this blog.  it’s been 4 weeks since we started this blog and I’ve been waiting for, or searching for, or planning for, frick I dunno, the “right” moment to just come out and say it. or maybe i’m trying to find the courage? i’m kinda scared I think? going back and forth in my brain wondering if this whole blog thing was even a good idea to begin with. scared to put myself out there and share all this private stuff. and for nothing maybe? what if no one listens..or cares? what if no one believes? and all this DOUBTING… is not my style either. geeze. jenna. just believe!! ;-) [Side note: just believe World is a company that I co-founded back in 2010 and then life got in the way and it got put on the backburner. I still have plans for it. and big dreams.] 

maybe I thought my first post about {this} would be me sharing my celebration with you. celebrating the first time **ever** going a whole entire year in remission. maybe that’s what I was waiting for…. for that one year milestone. but then it never came. cause another flare-up attacked instead. when it happened this feeling of defeat and sadness took over.  but then someone reminded me, that even though I may not have made it to my one year mark, I have not failed. I am like two weeks short of going a whole year without a flare – and that is amazing!! (in the last 8 years, except this last year obviously, it was typical for me to have 2-3 flares per year. and the first 4 years of this disease it felt like the flares were one after the other. I was a very sick girl.)

the last two weeks have been a little chaotic to say the least. chaotic with this flare-up, work, school, projects, unexpected shit, family time || *life* . right now, I’m on my way to Mesa, Arizona which has been a planned trip for some time but is turning out to be a much needed escape. i’ve left the worries and the exhaustion and hopefully the illness, behind.  (environment does make a difference)

so here it is. when I say flare-up, I am talking about colitis. I have ulcerative colitis. and I have come a long long way in the last 11 years that i’ve been fighting this battle. i’m pretty much to the point where I can almost say that I control this disease and it does not control me.    >>> I control this disease. it does not control me <<<    ….for those that fight this fight, you know that that statement is HUGE + bold. and you may even think i’m crazy and that it’s not possible. if someone would have told me that 8 years ago, that I could have control over this disease, I think  I would have been skeptical.

*today*
well I am happy to report that Mesa has welcomed me back with arms wide open. SO. bleepin HAPPY to be here. time for the healing to begin! this morning I found an AMAZING grocery store called Sprouts Farmers Market – this place is like a dream come true for a girl like me: *fresh*health*organic*devil-free, like my brother puts it, ha ha (gluten-free)*so.many.options/selection*  if only Winnipeg had a place like this. damn I love the states.

for those reading this who feel like they are suffering, it is my wish that you too can live a great story despite having colitis. I would really like to share with you what I have learned.

for those reading that don’t know what colitis is, i’m hoping to spread awareness. to give a voice to this invisible disease. the way my first specialist explained it to me: it’s like someone took a cheese grater to the inside of your intestines. and then they just don’t work. and you bleed and you hurt and you can’t eat/drink and you’re weak + more.

tbc cause I need some zzzzzzzzz’s.

-me

(to get a better understanding of this post, read my first post.) 

 

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6 thoughts on “my ‘coming out’ post. ulcerative colitis.

  1. Great blog Jena! Enjoy your well deserved holiday! Good luck in your struggles with colitis and I hope you get better results in the future fighting this terrible disease.

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    1. Thank you very much :) it hasn’t been easy to say the least but I try and always stay hopeful and am so grateful I’ve been able to come out of it (flare), each time. Thank you for taking the time to leave this comment xo

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